The Awe in My Existence

In my short lifetime, I have had my fair share of beautiful experiences. One of my favorite things I have ever done is walk the streets of a small town in Ireland. I heard the sounds of children playing and birds chirping, some cars but not many; I could see the sun shining over the buildings and feel the light breeze on my skin. In this moment and moments like these, there is a sense of awe and wonder.

Throughout the last few weeks, I have had two specific lessons or, rather, questions that have stuck out to me specifically. We have read many papers full of big ideas, but a few have gotten my heart to wandering more than the others.

One idea that has been heavy on my mind and heart is the idea of how places and what we see around us can affect us so much. The reading "Thin Places" by Tinsley is one that covers this well. We have thin places and thick places in our world, places close to God that shine his light and thick places that are darker and further from the light we strive to find. There is a sense of awe and wonder that can be connected to the thin places. Where we find ourselves closest to God, it is easier to find awe and see the beauty. Scott writes in his article "Awe" that awe is the feeling one gets when in the presence of something beyond human scale. The definition makes it sound like such a great big idea and seems unattainable when it comes to finding something worthy of awe, but through our readings, we can see that awe is all around us. Being open to finding "awe" has been my biggest lesson so far. I have been more conscious about looking for wonder and beauty. I have begun looking at things the way Dillard would see them, with the same wonder she felt during the total eclipse, with a newfound sense of amazement. With the exact authenticity that we see within Catton's "Two Visions of Equal Force," my eyes have been opened to a whole new idea of beauty that is undeniable. There can always be some awe found lurking in the shadows in the world with mess and chaos. I think all three of these readings teach us this well; we see from Dillard, Tinsley, and Scott that we should be looking at the world trying to find the beauty and the awe. Then with Catton, we can wrap it up to understand that even if it isn't the happiness and the most beautiful, it still can hold a sense of awe in it.

This sense of awe always happens when I have my heart and mind open. Whether it be in the middle of the ocean on a kayak, walking past the London Eye, or merely sitting in the presence of someone I love, that feeling of awe and the idea of thin places is something that I hold in my heart now.

Another idea that I have gotten from the last few weeks comes from Dillard's "For The Time Being." Reading "For The Time Being" brought me lots of thoughts about my existence. Why am I here? Who am I within the masses? What is the point in all of this? Dillard's writing on "numbers" and "encounters" really brought these thoughts into light. Numbers pushed me to realize just how many people are in this world and how small I am within our universe. It is crazy to think that so many people die every day and are typically not affected by it. As a human on this planet, I am so small in comparison to what is going on. While it is made clear that one's life is minimal and unimportant, it is also shown how big an impact one can make on them. In encounters, Dillard gives examples of small encounters with people that meant a lot to her, and with that, she proves that while we are small in comparison to the masses, we are important in some sense to someone. These sections within "For The Time Being" got me to think about who I am and my purpose. Dillard uses her "FTTB" to really get her readers to ask some big deep questions about life, and I find that beautiful. There is no way we will ever be able to answer these questions or get anywhere close to it, but Dillard pushes our minds and hearts to try, and that is amazing.

The moments I had in Ireland's streets are where I find the most awe in, and the more thought in, I think about who I am and what I can offer the world. It is in those moments of awe that we can connect put these things into perspective. I am so grateful to have so much life to live and many more "awe" moments to experience.